A SHORT PLAY IN 2 ACTS ACT I HALLAS HALL GEORGE MCCASKEY TALKING TO NEWLY HIRED GM RYAN POLES DATE JANUARY 25, 2022
GEORGE Welcome to the Bears! Happy to have you here. Now that you’re here, you need to hire a head coach. Now me and my good friends already did the work for you and we have a list of 3 people who would make great head coaches. Now, you don’t have to pick someone off this list if you don’t want to, but I really, really like this list we came up with and would love it if you picked someone from this list … but, do whatever you want, you’re the GM.
POLES Thinking to himself: Fuck me. Already? Well, usually GMs get a second shot at hiring a head coach if the first one doesn’t work out. I can make this work for a couple of years, fire him and get my own guy in here.
Says out loud: Sounds good! I’ll take Eberflus.
ACT II HALAS HALL KEVIN WARREN’S OFFICE DATE: JANUARY 8, 2024 THE DAY AFTER THE BEARS LOSE TO GREEN BAY IN EMBARASSING FASHION, AGAIN
POLES Kevin, buddy, I wanna fire Eberflus, trade Fields, use the number one pick to get a QB, pair him with a great, modern, offense-minded head coach and take this team into the 21st century.
WARREN Sounds good to me, but we gotta take this to George.
POLES AND WARREN GO TO GEORGE’S OFFICE
WARREN George, to really make this team a modern NFL franchise that wins Super Bowls, we need to get a new QB. When we do that, we need to pair him with a new head coach who understand modern football and can run an exciting, modern offense. So we want to fire Eberflus and his staff, trade Fields, and go from there.
GEORGE No.
ALL THREE STARE SILENTLY AT EACH OTHER FOR A MOMENT
GEORGE Me and my good friends hand-picked Eberflus, we think he’s the right coach for the job. You need to make this work. End of discussion.
POLES AND WARREN LEAVE THE OFFICE START TALKING TO EACH OTHER AS THEY WALK DOWN THE HALL
POLES Fuck, now what?
WARREN I hear you man. We bring in Eberflus, tell him he’s gotta fire his offensive staff, maybe let him keep a couple of his guys to save face a bit, try to survive a couple of years, hope he doesn’t destroy our new QB then fire him and promote the OC to Head Coach.
POLES And if that doesn’t work, we’re all fired anyway.
WARREN Well, you are, I gotta finish building him a new stadium.